I'm pretty well over the fact that this girl just wants to hit it and quit it. With me. I'm like "Erm, well, excuse me, but I have a girlfr.... Oh god HUGE boobs. Don't look. Stop looking. Think about Skye..." I don't want to have to do this all the time so just back down, bitch. Skye Empathy Stranton has my heart. And I'm tired of feeling guilty and confessing to Skye about all this nonsense. It makes me feel like a fucking retard. Am I the only one that has noticed a certain vulgarity in me that is becoming more apparent? I'm swearing more and thinking about sexual things more. I don't want to be that guy. What if that's what the world wants though? But what about what I want??? That matters doesn't it? But then fate... I'm done thinking about this.

That test I didn't cheat on... well I got 86 :) suck it! Eat it! I'm a smart fool. And the guy I would have cheated from only got 72. I guess it is true when they say that you're most likely to cheat from someone that is dumber than you. And that bubble sheet that I just drew a design on, I got a fifty. That's pretty good for not even reading the test :) Pure luck I think. Sometimes destiny just loves me.

Her list. 101 reasons.

1. Dixon

2. Terance

3. Drake J

4. Taya

5. Torbear

6. Kathy

7. Benjamin

8. Katie

9. Triton

10. Tera

11. A warm soup belly

12. Terra

13. Jesus

14. People that smile back

15. Being on time

16. Gateway

17. Abercrombie

18. New clothes

19. Otter pops

20. Mashed potatoes

21. The feeling of want

22. Accomplishment

23. Acing a test without studying

24. Scriptures

25. Eyeliner

26. Sunshine

27. Rain

28. Rainbows

29. Chapstick

30. Running

31. Skipping

32. Dancing awkwardly

33. Laughter

34. Movies that make me cry

35. Books that give me fuzzies

36. Late night epiphanies

37. Thunder

38. Lightning

39. Challenges

40. Making it through

41. Lips

42. Snow

43. Mountains

44. Grass

45. Flowers

46. Weeds

47. Wavy hair

48. Push up bras

49. Lipstick

50. Bedtime

51. People who hate me

52. Long hugs

53. Christmas

54. End of term

55. Student non attendance day

56. Bedtime

57. Falling asleep easily

58. Making the right choice

59. Fondue

60. Nutella

61. Thanksgiving

62. Terance’s birthday

63. Dinner

64. Unfailing love

65. When he likes me back

66. Cute couples

67. Locked texts

68. Dasani

69. Peace

70. Comfort

71. Tears

72. When they’re proud

73. Jones soda

74. Empathy

75. Teachers that are easy

76. Teachers who aren’t

77. Tall shoes

78. Bubble baths

79. Long hair extensions

80. Deep conditioning products

81. Good advice

82. Deep conversations

83. New York

84. Salt lake city

85. Goldfish

86. Peanut butter

87. Small forks

88. Warm blankets

89. Wishes

90. Dreams

91. Inspirational quotes

92. Guys that cry

93. Hips

94. Lips

95. Nail Polish

96. How I met your mother

97. Gossip Girl

98. Chase Crawford

99. Guys that make my heart beat faster

10 Good hair days

10 This opportunity

Utes fucking lost.

And everybody knows my name

Black Friday shopping. Wow. I've never been elbowed so many times or shouted fuck so much. I made the biggest mistake of all by choosing to go to walmart. Then my second mistake was going to target afterwards. But I got some deals that are just the shit. Selfishly though everything I got was for me, except for like one thing. Then I went to zumiez and oh my fucking god there were some pretty chill things there. The only thing I still need is more nikes. Of course. Now I'm gonna start heading out to Terance's dorm so we can go to Crimson Nights. I can't wait for the game tomorrow :)

GO UTES!

Give thanks, brother. Shutthefuckup.

Happy thanksgiving. I'm full. End of story.

No I won't give money to your stupid charity.

I'm over trying to be a nice person.

Like goddamn trying to change is sorta bullshit.

Change should just happen it shouldn't be forced.

So I'll just let the world mold me in the way that it sees fit

and if you don't like how the world shapes me then

FUCK YOU.

I'm thankful for:

All of my friends. Even the ones that aren't in my life anymore.

My family.

My beautiful sister and of course her husband.

This really beautiful girl that I get to call my own.

Every piece of advice I have ever gotten.

Hot cheetos.

Nikes.

Skinny jeans.

Fucking gee music.

Dance party screamo.

All my memories.

The knowledge that I have.

My opportunities.

Playboy.

Chicks that like to show off their huge boobs.

Snow :)

Rugby.

Utah Vs. BYU tickets :D

Black socks.

iPhones

That new car smell.

Cologne.

My home.

My bed.

Disneyland.

Trax.

Mountains.

Snowboards.

Soap.

Warm showers.

Cold showers.

Tents.

Ugly dogs.

When the teacher forgets to give tests.

No homework.

Long weekends.

The internet.

Macs.

Boxers.

Comic books.

Movies that make me laugh.

Alcoholic beverages.

Email.

Texts that just make me lol

Longboards.

Burton.

True religion jeans.

Stale sour gummy worms.

My life.

Every breath I take.

My hearing.

My sight.

The sense of feeling.

The adrenaline rush you get when you put yourself in danger.

Toenails.

America.

This girl from London.

The fact that I just got a text from Skye :)

The fact that I just made plans with Mike

Digital cameras.

Television.

Brother Jenkins.

Miss kensington.

Love.

Day one.

I'm still being a good person. I had an opportunity to cheat, but I overlooked it. I hope jesus is appreciating this new change. And everyone else. No more Mr. Bad Throte. Yeah, I am aware that that sounds pretty.... silly. Believe me, I wanted to say something bad there but I'm being GOOD now. I'm being good.

Fuck.

Expecting the worst.

I think that just by living I am corrupting the whole world. But I don't feel bad about it. Because I'm obviously meant to be here so any and every piece of damage that I cause was meant to be. It isn't all good and I feel bad for that, but I like to think that some of the damage is good. Can damage even be good? I hope so or else I'm a fail to the world. I'll try to stop being that. I'm changing for the good (again) but this time I swear it will last a lifetime.

I'll swear less and encourage more.

I'll think through my ever decision.

Even what to say and type.

I'm making amends with all of my enemies and those I've wronged.

I admit I was wrong and apologize.

I'm telling the truth as much as possible

and lying a lot less.

I think about more than just myself.

Well, I'm trying to.

I defend the weak and build them up.

I laugh less at the expense of others.

I'm honest with my feelings and do my best to honor them.

I'm writing happier lyrics

and not feeling sorry for myself.

I'll be empathetic and less apathetic.

I'll feel for others and try to solve their problems

even before I attempt to solve mine.

I'm trying to be a man.

So bring on the thunder

I need a hug right now.

Because I'm feeling alone

and I was wrong

I know that I was. Yeah, I know.

I don't think that you should have done what you did

because that's the pussy way out.

If you said yes then it's required to hold out

and to dance.

Yes, it is a requirement to dance.

And not with everybody else.

Seriously, you WILL get your house egged.

And I want to say that you'll be sorry then,

but I know that you're a dumb ass and you wouldn't learn that easily.

I'm hurting everyone around me.

And I'm aware of it.

I don't mean to. I swear I don't.

Everything I say and type and text comes out wrong

and not how I meant it at all.

Please forgive me.

And lets be friends forever.

I didn't mean it how it sounds.

There is more than the pretty face and the glamor

I know there is because I've talked to you

and I know that you aren't superficial at all.

But I was trying to convince myself to stop.

Because I don't think it's the right thing.

But I don't care anymore.

I didn't mean it. I'm sorry.

Please forgive me. I'm begging you.

This is the only way I know how.

Her words are better than mine

“I don’t want to be what you expect. I want to surprise you. I’m tired of being called dumb when I’m really not. I’m not the girl that is happy all the time. It’s called a fake smile. Learn to look past it and see my real emotion. I open up easily all you have to do is Reach Out and actually ask me what I’m feeling. I hate how judgmental the world is. I want need someone to care for me. I want to feel the warmth of real love.”

Be still my soul

Why am I doubting this???

Well, I'm not anymore. Because I started to remember all the butterflies and the inspiration and the desire. And I stopped thinking about the fake things like glamor. And the decision was clear. And I feel bad for all the doubt I had. Because now it's all clear and I can understand it. My mind was opened and I can comprehend the full situation and the consequences. The good and the bad.

And I love her.

Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead

I found something that I wrote that I had forgotten about and now I'm just remembering. I'm a fool that I could let something so little make me start doubting something that is so big. Something so inconsequential make me rethink something that I thought was completely important to my existence. But what if it isn't? What if this whole thing was a fake? I wish I could elaborate, but I know I cant. Because I have a girlfriend. And I'm in like with her. I think. No, I know.

maybe.

Believe me, I'm lying

Today I took a wizz in a garbage can. Yeah that's right. Then they were like "Son, dayumm you in trouble." but I wasn't because then Skye came over and the principle loves her. So then I thought I was saved. Then they remembered and gave me a detention :)

Even though I think I was innocent :)

I'm right

You're wrong.

You can go fuck yourself now because my wisdom is greater than yours.

Sorry I was a dick, Miss Kensington.

Bliss. Happiness. Anger was released. Calm thoughts.

I'm basically in love I think. She never fails to give me butterflies and when she kisses me it takes my breath away completely. I'm in awe with how comfortable I am to be around her. I don't have to worry about how my hair looks or if I smell funny because I know either way she will still accept me. She doesn't have to tell me that she likes me ad I don't have to ask her about it because I can just FEEL that she does. I can feel every time she looks at me that I'm the only one she sees. I know she gives me her full attention and wants to hear everything on my mind. Even if it's just about how when I was little I used to want to grow up to be a hobo. She still listens. And smiles in all the right places. And when I have a problem she gives me the perfect advice. Advice that I'll actually follow and not just immediately disregard. With her it's easy to go from laughter to seriousness because we just flow on the same wavelength. We can feel each other's feelings and react to them in the right way. I can tell exactly when I should kiss her and when I should just hold her hand. I can feel when I should listen instead of talk or when I should talk and let her listen. And I know that sometimes we can just let the silence fill us up because even when we aren't talking, we are. We've gotten onto the same ways. We get hungry around the same time and we get tired together. But we'll still stay up on the phone listening to the other breathe. We stay up way too late most of the time just because she is the only person that can make me smile that certain way. Skye is the only girl that continues to surprise me ad never gets boring. Even when she is boring, she isn't because everything about her is so intense. Sometimes we'll just be laying down and I'll be fascinated by the wave that her hair has or how she has some freckles that look like a fish when you connect them. I can always find something new and fresh about her. And my favorite thing is how there is always more that I can learn. And I want to learn it all. We have plenty of time. "Let's go make snow angels. Come on, the snow is beautiful and everyone looks like a model with snow in their hair. Let's make snow angels, Drake. We can even connect them."

Ok. Now. I feel better.

God. I know. I suck.

Fuck. It's been so long. I had swine :| and then I had to work my ass off to catch up in school because I missed so much school. All my teachers were like "Sorry, bud. You shoulda come to school" and I just wanna be like "Fuck you. I had swine and from what I hear you AREN'T supposed to go anywhere. Not even to your fucking test that you think is so above the danger that I would be putting to my fellow classmates heath if I would have showed up. So fuck-you. Justfuckyou." So, yes I do know that there is a possibility of my english teacher reading this because I asked for extra credit because I write on almost a daily basis (Well... I used to...) so Miss Kensington, if you're fucking reading this then you can stop wondering if I was talking about you. I'll spell it out for you. Yes, I WAS fucking talking about you and your fucking bullshit test on a fucking whore named Hester fucking Prynne. I don't care about how she fucked the minister and got a bitch daughter. Theyre just going to go to hell and so are you.

Why would you be so retarded :/

Skye is sick. Dear god. I feel lost without her to hold my hand. She isn't here to take me higher. I need her to lighten my day. Kill the flu :|

Fuckin. Just. God. Bad day. I need someone to make it better. GOD.

This is actually today :)

It's been long, but not really. I chilled with Skye today. We just sat in her room and talked. We talked about who we were, who we are, and who we'll be. And what we want in life. It was pleasantly refreshing to talk to someone that is so different from every other person I know. And to be able to hear and feel the honesty in her words. I wanted to fucking like jump on her because she was so perfect. But I refrained. It's still so new and I know that even though I know her I don't really know her. But I will as soon as possible. Because I want to know everything about her. And I want her to know everything about me. I know it puts me in a vulnerable position, but I'm willing to let that happen because I really want a friend like that...

(Pretend this has yesterday's date on it) Fan Mail?

Yeah. Adri would. I like how I'm off to the side just dancing to my own beat while the rest of them hold hands. Whatevs. It felt pretty good to get fan pictures :) I was just like Woo! :) Anyways so today (Actually yesterday though, but pretend this is yesterday so it would be today. Get it? Idk) was a pretty great day. I went and chilled at Mike's house and it was pretty chill. Then we went to a skate park and messed around for a while, but he ended finding a chick that caught his eye so I helped him to pick up on her. It was awesome. Like I felt like I was being such a good friend when he got her number. It was like a feeling of accomplishment that I was able to help someone to feel happier. I think I want to do that more in life, but other than the basic generic jobs like doctors and nurses I couldn't think of any occupations that are like that. Maybe I'll research into it more and change my occupation dreams. But it's doubted because I also want to make a lot of money. God. That makes me sound like a douche that likes money more than people. I swear it isn't really like that! If I could do both possibly, then that would be way nice...

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it

I took Skye out to lunch today just to show her that I care and it was amazing. She totally surprised me. For the first time ever SHE kissed ME. Like it's usually me that goes the 90 and her the 10 but today she totally surprised me and just went for it. I love surprises that come with new relationships like how they just keep doing things that you wouldn't quite expect, but I also love how after you've known someone for a while that they become a little bit predictable. But in the best possible way. I don't even know how to explain it. I'm looking for a best friend that I can share that with. I want something more than the casual friendships that I have. I want a true honest to goodness best fucking friend. Someone that knows me. Like I have my friends, but I can only really talk bro talk with them. I want someone that I can tell everything and have meaningful talks with and they still think of me the same afterwards. I want someone that means more to me than every single fucking star in this sky. But I'm still looking for them. I still have hope. And when I do find my best friend, our friendship will put all other friendships to shame.

Love Is All You Need.

Safe sex is great sex better wear a latex cuz you don't want that late text, that "I think I'm late" text

First day with my girlfriend :) It was amazing! We went out to lunch and I got her a little something just for our 24 hour anniversary. Cheesy, I know, but it made her smile and I would do anything just to see that smile. And she asked me to sadies today :) she completely trashed my car. She filled it with tons and tons of peas and wrote "I'm peeing my pants wondering if you'll go to sadies with me!" it was a complete mess but I don't care because I've wanted her to ask me for a while. It's going to be fucking epic. Most stellar dance ever, I'm sure. I wish there was a sadie hawkens king so that I could win that too ;)

Sadie hawkens dance in my khaki pants. There's nothing better. Girls ask the guys. It's always a surprise. There's nothing better. Baby do you like my sweater?

I hope you dance...

Yes. I asked her today. Skye. I asked her to be my girlfriend. I was so nervous. But it was perfect. Beyond perfect even. It was cloudy all day. So I was just praying for rain. I had flowers in my car. But I thought that sunflowers would be more appropriate than roses. Because every guy gives roses. And I wanted to be different. Because she is different. And she isn't a rose kind of girl. She's the kind of girl that you wish you could give the entire ocean. But definitely not something as common as roses. And seriously, how many girls do you see walking around with a bouquet of sunflowers? And sunflowers aren't even in season so doesn't that show that I tried kinda hard? I know she knows I did. So I walked her to every single one of her classes today. But I didn't kiss her. So after school when I found her I was way excited. When we walked outside, it was just cloudy, but it wasn't raining so I was pretty disappointed. And then I handed her the flowers. And asked her to be my girlfriend. To date me exclusively. To only have eyes for me because mine have only seen her for a while now. Then it started to rain. And she looked up to the sky and smiled. Holding the flowers that I gave her. I wish I could have taken a picture. But It will be in my mind forever. Then she shouted yes. Yes, she actually shouted it to the world. Letting the sky and all of it's raindrops know that the answer was yes. Then she said something that totally blew me away.

"Come dance with me."

I don't think she even knows how much I love that phrase. And how much I always have. She read my mind. Or she is just basically perfect. It was pouring rain. Her arms around my neck. She was wearing bright blue. A dress. And holding sunflowers. The ones that I gave her when I asked her out. And she said yes. And asked me to dance with her. So I did. Then we kissed. A soft sweet kiss. I know this is going to be something amazing. I can feel it. All the signs are there.

Then I read something that made me tear up a little bit. Because I want that kind of friendship and love. I want what she has. I wish she was closer so me and her could be best friends because I really really want that. Don't tell my girlfriend, but I've always really liked this girl. And I think I still do even though I shouldn't and she doesn't like me back. Things will all work out in the end.

What's meant to be will happen...

Ummm. Your mom.

I know I haven't blogged in a long time. My halloween was amazing though. I made an amazing tea pot. And Skye came to the same party. She was a ballerina and. Oh. My. God. Could she be any more beautiful? After lots of dancing, I'll admit it, I stripped off my costume. So I looked just like myself the rest of the night. And. I kissed her. Yeah. That's right. I KISSED SKYE!!! It was amazing. It was a slow dance and so I asked her to dance with me. I'll sound lame if I tell you which song it was, but I don't care. It was can I have this dance. Yeah. From High school musical. But it was amazing. And I was singing in her ear the entire time in the cutest, studliest way and at the end of the dance I put my lips to hers. It was perfect for us. When I pulled away, she looked up at me and smiled her beautiful, shy smile that makes me blush. That's right, just her smile makes me blush. It was perfect. I swear, the world was swirling around us. I keep thinking about it over and over again and every time, without fail, I get butterflies. But I haven't kissed her since then because I want to make sure that every kiss is worth something and that they are special. I refuse to waste any more kisses. Today I walked her to all of her classes though. And held her hand. For everyone to see. And you know those couples you see and they make you smile with envy and you think they are amazing together? Well, today, me and Skye were that couple. I think people approve of us. But even if they didn't I wouldn't give a shit. Because she is amazing and completely special and I wouldn't let her go because what people think. No way in hell. Just between us though, I think I'm going to ask her out tomorrow. I'm thinking a single rose. And a slow dance to no music except to our heartbeats. I hope it rains.