Mating call.

And we're good no worries. I understand what she meant and we both took it too far. It was stupid and we were childish but we're good now :)

It's been a way good day. And I've found that I'm not a good formal dancer. I'm actually quite rotten and I can't cha cha worth shit. I had a very lovely teacher. I'm just an awful student. I'm sorry but I only know how to get down and dirty. I like dancing when I'm drunk because no one cares how much you grind all over and nobody gets all up in your grill because your form is wrong. It's more fun to freestyle I'm finding. More expressive for sure. And I like being able to express myself. But when I do it usually just consists of sexual desires being portrayed. I'm such a good dancer :) I wanna party right now but I have to wait for new years. I have to save up all my dancing skills for that one night. Skye won't be there and I'm honestly scared that I'm going to cheat on her. I don't want to. But it's in my nature to do that kind of thing. You know... to throw away a perfectly good thing just for one night. I'm just dumb. I hope I don't do that though.

Why are you turning a nice gesture into something dirty?

Breaking up is easy to do? Insurance man you lie.

That is not the fucking truth. Cunt.

I won't let this get to us.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

My facebook is going crazy :| I think it started with this girl that I treated as a joke but she really liked me. But someone found out my password. I found out because I was like ahh lets check out this chick's profile so I was just creepin with Skye and then I saw I status that I apparently "liked" but I had never even seen it before! And I was like omg shit. So then I changed my status (who wouldn't) and then I went and changed my password to a more unflattering thing. BUT then the girl sent me an inbox and was like why did you remove me from your friends? And I never had. So now it's like FUCK what is going on? We had been friends like two hours before that. And of course Skye was just like "Why did she realize that so fast?" and I was just like because she's a fucking creeper. I'm sort of assuming she hacked me though because who else would hack me and then go like someone else's status. And why did she notice we weren't friends so fast? But then who removed her? Oh my god this is just blowing my fucking mind. and P.S I guess that iloveadri isn't a secure password. And no I didn't change it to iloveskye. But now I guess I should change it again. Maybe a long series of numbers would be good... but then how will I be able to remember that. This whole situation is just bad news bears. Stop fucking with my facebook though cunt. Or I'll cut you. Jayy kayy. But seriously.

There is nothing that hurts more

Wowwy wow wow wow.... it's been such a long day. I waited for her all day for absolutely no results. But that's ok. I still had a good time. Mike makes my life complete but I also knows he brings out the worst in me. I'm a whore.

Hoping that my voice could get it right

I can't stop thinking. Normally I would scream to get out of my head. But I care too much to do that. I need to somehow become myself again. But I only am when I talk to you. I don't feel needed by anyone. I feel like I've done so much wrong and that all I've done is disappoint people. I feel like people only remember the stupid things that I did and they hate me. I don't feel very loved. But then I talk to you and you make me feel differently about myself. You give me hope. And it makes me wish that we went to school together so that I could always have that strength with me. I just know we would be the best friends that everyone is jealous of. You're my weak spot I think. You give me starry eyes and help me to remember my dreams. I feel like a better person and I feel like I'm just like glowing or something. You're such a strong person and I don't know if I am anymore. I've lost alot of myself this year. I know I'm not the same. I let too many little things tear me apart inside, but I never show that they are. I need to learn more from you because I admire so many of your qualities. Help to build me and put me back together. I really think I need it. I just think that your personality rubs off on me and makes me better and I need that more often. You're just one of those people that I can only relate to a star in the sky. I make wishes on you all the time

Jeesussss

Please be happier. You don't love him. Break up with him so you can be happier again. Because I miss feeling your smile. I want you to know that I'll be here for you. Because I care about you SO much. It's pretty ridiculous how much I care about you and how much you mean to me. Which I know sounds really stupid because I've never even met you and you're so far away. But, you've changed my life in so many ways. Even if you don't know it. You've altered the way I think and act, in good ways, I swear. I haven't done very much for you, but I really want to. I want to alter your life in some way. I want you to always remember me. I need you to. Because I know it's right. I can feel it.

Please don't be unhappy so you don't hurt him. It's time to do this for yourself. Don't be scared. You'll still have Cheney and Kiri And Kayleigh and everyone else. And I know it won't do anything to say this. But, I'll be here for you too. If you ever need someone to talk to I want to be there. If you ever need someone to comfort you, you can bet I'll be there. I don't ever want you to cry, but if you do, I want to be there for you. I want to be the shoulder for you to cry one. But we both know that is a little impossible. I don't ever want you to be afraid of coming to me because I really want to help you. I want to be someone you can lean on and trust. You make me feel like a good person and like I'm doing something good. And like there is still hope in the world. When I talk to you I like to think that a little of my spark comes back. You renew my spark. I know I need you in my life even if I don't know why I do. But I really do need you. And you mean so much to me. I really meant it when I told you that. Felicity, I won't let you lose your shine. I want to be there to help you sparkle. Please let me. <3

Feliz Navi(I hate my)dad

Greetings from Mexico, Bitches. Yes Christmas came. And yes, then Christmas left. It was pretty decent. But it's so hard to get on the internet here :/ And I'm pretty pissed with my dad. I bet all the Mexicans think that we're just very American. Of course he brought his piece of shit with him. And takes it EVERYWHERE and that's all he does. Oh and makeout with Steff in public of course. I don't think he understands that he is too old to be doing that and that she doesn't enjoy doing it either. And that it just makes me uncomfortable so the only thing I'm left to do is to go buy something. I've already gotten three sombreros :) and a million other little things that the peddlers can talk me into. I'm a sucker. But at least all of my friends are getting souvenirs :) and at least I'm waiting in the airport now so I can go home. And at least Mike will be there to pick me up at the airport. And at least I'm tan again.

But I'm really worried about someone because I know they aren't happy. But I was too slow to reply. So I won't get to know until tomorrow at the earliest. And that makes me wonder for hours on end. And then my mind will just wander and think up the worst things and then I get even more worried and then it's just no good. But I want you to know that I'm thinking about you. And I hope you get your spark back soon. And I'll be checking facebook constantly until you send me a message. I care about you.

Call me mr flintstone cause I can make your bed rock

I don't even know what will happen or how it will work. But I hope that while I'm gone it somehow fixes itself up completely I'm hoping, but I know it won't happen for sure. God please help me. I know I'm a shitty child but this isn't even about me anymore. Help my friends and be with them. Please just make this right. And don't let anyone die. We need each other. So much. We make life worth living and I don't know if it still will be without them here. Don't take them from me. In any form. Help them get back to normal. I love them.

I got your letter.

Can anything be anymore shitty? What's going to happen next? God. Why do my friends think it's ok to basically kill themselves. And why am I so far away that I can't even do anything about any of it? I feel like I did something wrong in these friendships to make them do these things to themselves. So what the fuck did I do wrong? That's all I would like to know so that I can correct myself and make things better. Please help me to help you. But you'll have to tell me how because I'm too dumb to know how to do it otherwise. I don't understand why this is all happening at once why couldn't it have been evenly spaced so that I could have more time to deal with it and to adjust to all the fucking shit that is happening. You used to be so against the stuff that you are doing now. BOTH of you. Why are you suddenly ok with what you are doing to yourself. Last year you would have hated your guts for what you are doing now. Please just stop before I have a fucking breakdown because all this shit is overwhelming me. Please. Just stop what you're doing. But I know I can't really ask you to do that. Because it isn't that easy. Now you guys have addictions. I'll get you through this. I'll be a better example. I'll always, ALWAYS, be available for you both. Don't you dare even worry about the time or what I might be doing or who I might be with, just dial my fucking number. I promise even Skye will understand. And she won't hate you for coming to me and asking for help. Even if you're crying. THis shouldn't be what Christmas is about. This season, this week especially, should be about LOVE! Love of others and even more about love of yourself. Self acceptance. Go get your favorite feel good playlist and listen to it over and over again. No one will scold you for the number count. Just think about all of the good things about yourself and all the good things people say about you. That's all you should think about. Love. Of yourself. And stop going out so much. You and I both know you're partied out and that it's time to stop. You admitted your problem and I know you want to stop, so now you should stop. How long has it been since you've written your heart down? Do it. Think about everyone that is here that loves you and how much we want you to stay here forever. And think about all the girls that will be pissed at you for fucking your face up because of what you're doing. Just stop. She already told on you. So you know it's bound to happen. Get a head start. Rely on us. We're still here even though we aren't there. You can still come to us and you know you always will be able to. WHy would we ever let you be lost on your own? Let's all just be lost together. We can get through this challenge. We've already been through so many. Let's make our friendships even stronger with this situation. I promise I won't complain about it anymore. Because that's selfish of me. And this is about you guys, not me. I'm going to be there for you nonstop, I sweat. We'll conquer the fucking world together. We can do this.

I'l protect you from the wind

Please stop thinking that you take too much effort for me, because honestly there isn't even an amount of effort that is too much for you. You're my girl. When I asked you to go out with me I didn't tell you I would be there for you when it was convenient, but if it got too hard I would stop. No. I said I would be there for you no matter what happened and I mean it. Please stop beating yourself up about it. You aren't too much work. I enjoy trying to help you because it makes me happy when you're happy. No you don't seem emo or like you are a baby. I understand everything that's going down and you're handling this so well. You don't even know how strong you are and how much I admire you for that. How much I admire you for everything. I would go to the fucking end of this planet if you asked me to. I'll do anything for you just to make you smile. Remember when you asked me if I would break my knee for you if you asked. Well, of course I would. I won't let you down. I'll show you I can be the one. I'll wrap you in the safe comfort of my arms forever. I'll never be too tired to keep texting you in the middle of the night. I'll never say goodbye until you want to hang up, even if we're just listening to each other breathe. I'll always drop everything for you. I'm your man. And I'll live up to that title. I'll show you I'll be the one.

Yeah I'm the sex bitch, yeah I'm the sex

We've come a very long way. It's getting better and she's finding the strength. And I'm really proud of that. And I just want you to remember that you are fucking beautiful. Let the bitch go. You are way better than that cunt.

Skye wore my shirt today and she looked so fucking cute. She just took it home with her after we had been hanging out and when she wore it I was just like... wow, you honestly take my breath away. I don't know why it was such a turn on, but believe me, it was. And when I hugged her goodbye I could smell her perfume all over my shirt and I really hope that when she gives it back her perfume is still all over that. And when I told her that she was just like "Awww I thought the same thing with your cologne!" I can't get over her. I just love her. It's so crazy to think that we've only been together for about a month. It feels like we've been friends forever but that our relationship is still new because usually the butterflies leave, but they haven't and I haven't gotten tired of anything that you do. Baby, I fucking love you so much. More than you know and way more than I can explain. We're the fucking shit, babe. Ashton can go fuck himself because you're my girl and I'm not letting you go. Tell him to find one to shove up his ass. I love you. And don't worry, love, I'll kick anyone's ass for you.

When I become a star we'll be living so large.

It has been forever since I've been able to see Skye. Seriously like it's been three days. Sure we've been texting, but it's not enough. Getting a message from her can't even compare to the way she hugs me, the way she laughs like a six year old, the way her eyes get to me, her advice. Her little "texty-texts" just aren't doing it for me completely. She really just has me in a way that I won't let go. I've written about a zillion songs about her and even though she says she loves them, I still don't think that they are good enough. But they'll get there. I know they will because we're going strong. But not seeing her is killing meeee. I just want her here so I can hold her hand and put my arm around her and give her hugs and. Kiss her. I really just want to kiss her. It will give me so much peace inside just to touch her lips with mine. And to just talk to her and tell her how grateful I am that I get to call her mine. Because I really am.

I have a huge history assignment to get to, but I've been really busy taking care of a friend. I doubt I'm doing enough though. Now I just have to forget about it for a minute and only focus on Ronald Reagan. Sending you all my fucking love. Get well soon. Both of you.

Keep away from flame or high heat.

Please just don't let yourself be defined by what people tell you. Just stop thinking about that. Yeah, I know it's easier said than done. People always say to not care what people think. But then why are they even wearing their Buckle jeans? Everyone cares. And if you don't care then you obviously care, but you don't want to make people think that you try to hard. Face it. Even old people care. Why do you think some teachers cave in so easily? They want to be liked. Yes, it's extremely immature and childish and... human. It's in our nature. But the key is to not dwell on it. To gain enough self confidence to let it slide off, never linger. Don't give up. We'll get you through this. We are on your side. This is just the weight of the world. And we're all here to help you lift it. Talk to me. And if the silence stops you, I'll break it for you. I want to hear you and understand. Empathy. When you're lost, I'll be there to find you. I will shine to guide you. Please just let me in. Let me help you to get your thinking back to what it used to be. Please be positive about your beauty. Girls kill to look like you. Just don't kill yourself. Love, everyone needs to be heard. And I'll be the one to listen. X

I don't wanna grow up, I'm a toys r us kid.

She makes herself sick. Because she thinks she's fat. Even though I know for a fucking fact that she is only a size zero. But she's aiming for a double zero now. All because some self centered bitch told her that she was out of proportion. So now she'll make herself sick. Now she'll call me and I can tell that there is still puke on her lips and I can hear the toilet flush in the background. And she's crying. She's always crying now. Because the girl that is supposed to be her best friend told her that parts of her are too big. She's a goddamn fucking size zero grow the fuck up you skank. You just ruined her life by saying that, I hope you know. She's strong, but I don't think she'll be able to shake this completely. When she thinks she ate too much. When she sees someone skinnier than her. When she's stressed. Under pressure. Bloated. The list will fucking go on and on. She'll always find a reason. She'll always find an excuse to justify it in her head. She was already on the fucking verge of this and you just sent her over the edge. I hope you find satisfaction in the fact that now your "sister" is slowly killing herself because of what you carelessly said. Now the rest of us will try to pick up the pieces of what you destroyed. You took a beautiful girl and made her see herself in a way that is now making her self loathing and destructive. I hope you know that every time she eats your fucking voice rings through her head. Then she'll go make herself sick. Because of you. You found her weak spot and now she is killing herself. Do you even know how psychologically deep this goes? Her own fucking father tells her this stuff all the time, so why did you have to do the same thing? You were the final verdict in her decision. She worries constantly about her weight now. Did you want her to be like that? Was your intention to put her down so low so that you could feel good about yourself? Did you say that sentence knowing that she would dwell on it forever? I blame you completely. Every single time I hear that flush, I blame you. I wish you the worst in your sick twisted life. I pray that some how god will ruin your life in an even worse way than how you ruined hers. Because that is what you deserve. I can't even begin to imagine how you could do that to the person you are supposed to love. To the person that got you that pregnancy test. To the person that offered her home when you were in trouble. To the person that first helped you to gain your self esteem. Why would you take hers away so fast? I want you to read this and fucking commit suicide you heartless fucking cunt. But even that wouldn't make up for what you did. Nothing ever will.

When I'm with you

Hearts beating faster [together]

Hands intertwined, laced [together]

That pitter patter feeling [together]

Whispering sweet nothings [together]

Eyes meeting and holding true [together]

The want that I have so goddamn much for you [alone]

Girl, you just make me insane. You drive me crazy. And I have a feeling that is right. Not just a desire for you, but a feeling that makes this feel like it would be right. I feel so loose with you, like there is no stress at all. There is a comfort between us and I want that to work out. But I know you are preoccupied. But please just let me fill your mind for awhile. Let me be the one to preoccupy you and make you happy. Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time. Let me prove that I'm the one for you. Because I'm pretty sure that I am.

I don't speak spanish.

I went shopping today and got Skye her present :) I KNOW she is going to LOVE it!!! I wish I could say what it is, but I don't want her to know what it is quite yet. I obviously want to wait until christmas for her to open it. I don't know if she has gotten me anything yet or if she even will but I don't care because my gift is THAT good :) :) :) She'll give me the biggest kiss in the world afterwards and I'm really looking forward to that because she gives the best kisses in the world. They melt my heart and leave me feeling full but empty because she doesn't like to kiss too much. I think she likes to starve me.

You starve me.

You make me wish

for more than you are

willing to give.

Pumm didi pum pum

I get left feeling

breathless?

No. But definitely out of breath.

With the feeling of butterflies filling my insides

and poetry lyrics come to mind.

You starve me, love.

You STARVE me, Love.

Love, you starve me.

Starving you leave me, Love.

Starved. From love.

Thank You.

Please stop letting yourself be defined by your nose ring.

Skye (No middle name, but I gave her one anyways) Stranton

As I type I shiver.

My body shakes uncontrollably.

This is the story of our lives.

My toes begin to numb.

My fingers lose feeling.

This is the story of our lives.

I hear the same words

over and over again.

I keep waiting for my body to regain heat

and to fill with warmth again.

but this isn't the story of my life.

I wish for my shoulders to stop shaking

and hope for my nose to stop running.

But it's too cold.

But not for her.

Nothing is too cold for her.

She takes my hand and guides me

to the light, to the heat.

She teaches me to dance and to stop

shivering.

Yes, we'll call it shivering.

But everyone knows that it wasn't.

But it doesn't bother me anymore

because now I'm warm.

Warmer than them I know it.

I see them shiver and try

to clutch one another for warmth.

And they see us dancing together,

the cold not bothering us at all.

The difference though is that they

are forcing the cold upon themselves

If something is cold then why would you

continue to hold on to it?

Wouldn't you instead seek for something to

protect you from the cold of this world?

Even seeking single is better than being

dragged down by someone that will only

keep you cold.

I bask in the warmth that we produce

and try to hand out mittens to those that

don't have what we have.

But they'll be warm someday too.

That's the story of our lives.

Warmth. Joy. Happiness. Peace.

I love you.

Drake (No middle name, but you gave me one ) Throte