Sex is part of nature. I go with nature.

Me and Skye are blissfully back together with no problems whatsover :)
we even talked about all the things that made us break up, AND we worked them out.
Because I was willing to work to work things out.
And I wrote her a song :) one that only she would get
but it's pretty fucking good :)
And yeah, life is just pretty great right now.
I need to learn to be a better blogger though :/

You make it hard for breathing

"So I have a boyfriend"
-Errrmmm. Excuse me? Who?
"Well... Shane."
-No. I don't approve. His name has never been muttered before. It's too soon. Nope. No way. Break up. Now please. Three way call him. I'll be quiet and just listen. I don't like him at all. Shane?
"So you and Skye?"
-Dooon't change the subject. But yeah, we're together now.
"Oh wow how'd that happen"
-Well we went to lunch and. Oh my god break the fuck up with him already. Stop distracting me. God.

?

Why is every fucking person in Utah sick today?
Can I just have another popsicle and a cute text from Skye?
Give me a fucking asprin.
More two ply tissues please.
Where are my warm socks???
What do I even have?
WHAT THE HELL.

Love.

Me and Skye :)

Oh some people's whores...

So I guess there was protection involved because I was finally man enough to talk to her. She said there was a condom and she's on birth control and she did that plan b thing or whatever. So chances are like .0001% but then we started talking about how it all went down. And she admitted that she completely used me because she knew I was that drunk. I thought it was mature of her to tell me that so I told her that I don't blame her for anything or hold her at fault. Because I don't anymore. And I could see in her eyes that she was sorry. So I forgave her. But I don't even know if I had anything to forgive her for. It takes two. I shouldn't have been drunk.

But we're still going to be friends. She's a really nice girl.

Skye. Love. Thank you for helping me get through this and be strong. I don't know what the hell I would be without you. You're so much more than just what you think you are to me. Not only am I in love with you completely, but you're also my best friend. I can't live without you and I don't know how I did for so long. You're the girl who taught me the meaning of love and the one I'll never fucking forget. You can count on that. You're the one that I've always been looking for. The one that has never been a joke. You're the one I always fall asleep thinking about. I love you more than you can fucking imagine. I love you more than there are grains of sand in this world. You're my everything. You're my heart, sunshine, and Skye.

Can I have photograph to show my friends that angels truly exist?

When Dixon came to visit...

I don't know how the brotha does it...

Make the same mistake twice

Me and Skye are really good friends again. I told her everything that happened. And I cried because I'm a fucking pussy. But she cried too. Because she cared. I already feel like a part of me is restored. I'm feeling positive. Especially because I know she'll help me pull through.

But I don't remember if we used protection or not because I was so drunk. This month is going to be hell. If she's pregnant is it my responsibility to stay with her even though I didn't do anything? It was not my choice. Would she keep it? Abortion? Would her parents make us get married?

This is why I'm lucky to have Skye. She helps me forget when I don't want to remember.

Peace.

It's the way that you hold my hand in the car

It's been a great day. That's almost everything that I have to say. Except I'm so fucking pro at emailing! I got five of my teachers to give me and A just because I pleaded for one :) I cheer for technology. It can take over the world and I won't give a flying fuck because now I have a 4.0 again. I feel invincible.

Lunch with Skye tomorrow :)

Why do I even try?

End of term.

Grades are shit. And now they can't go up.

I miss have order in my life.

And having someone that directs me to do

the right thing. Because I don't know how on my own.

I'm so fucking tired of girls taking advantage of me.

And I don't even know why they do.

But I swear, to the fucking lord himself,

I have a good personality. I'm more than

the pickup lines I use. Get to fucking know me.

Oh yeah...

I also failed my english exam. And that used to be my best subject.

I make stupid mistakes.

Sweetie lovey bear... sugar plum... pumpkin pie... my sexual unicorn

Skye didn't find out I don't think, but I'm still incredibly embarrassed to look her in the eye. Braxton wants to hang out with me like twenty four seven and I have to remind her almost every five minutes that I'm really just not that into her. Why doesn't she understand that what we did just made her more unattractive to me? She seriously disgusts me. And I disgust myself even more. My wang has been way too many places. I used to be at least pretty clean, but now I'm just a standardless motherfucker slut. I can not stand the way that I acted on Saturday. I shouldn't have trusted myself to get drunk and I shouldn't have been grinding all over the place.

Why did I let that happen to myself :/

I wouldn't mind just dying right about now.

And I beheld a liar.

I'm a motherfucking whore. Or maybe it's her that's the whore.

But either way it happened. And I feel so fucking weird about it because I didn't want to do anything like this again. We aren't together. I don't WANT to be together and I don't really even like her. I don't know what my fucking problem is. We were just grinding. But then she was kissing me and I was drunk so I didn't stop. And then she was on top of me and we were naked. I don't remember anything in between those two things. She took advantage of ME. I'm the victim! She was the one that was motherfucking sober. I can not be held accountable for my actions when I'm drunk.

But I know I still have to be. This pisses me off because I didn't want to be that guy anymore. I was changing and I was doing good. I was starting to get respect from girls other than the ones that just wanted some ass. But now I failed. I know she's going to tell everyone if she hasn't already. And then I'm back to square one all over again. I don't want Skye to know. I don't want her to lose her respect for me.

I'm going to stop drinking.

Shit dude you were fucking right. When aren't I fucking right?

Today I got asked to Jimmies today. Even though it was a guys choice dance I still got asked. Her name is Braxton and she's pretty damn cute. We talked at lunch and she told me that she had "just been waiting for me to be single so she could nab me" she told me there were girls that were just waiting for me to no longer be Skye's man and then it was like a race and she had won. I don't know what I did to deserve all this love from girls but I still love it :) Braxton told me that I could get any girl I wanted. I don't know why she thinks that and why I've been told that before. I'm really not that special. I'm not extremely good looking not to mention that I'm also too short, I have really bad language, think dirty thoughts constantly, and have extremely high expectations. I'm probably a bit of a dick. So why can I get any girl I want then? Like what the fucking hell?

But anyways I'm really excited for this dance it's going to be the fucking sex. Neon colors. Strobe lights. A girl that is just slutty enough. Grinding will be permitted. And I'll probably be able to find some drugs (that I won't do of course ;)

But I don't think that I'll have anything with Braxton after this. I still need some time just by my lonesome. I don't want to be smothered for a while. I'll just go on dates every once in a while. I'll take a break from all the late night texting or basically texting in general. I'll give my tongue and lips a little time off and just take this time to find myself. Because I'm not really sure that I know who that is. But when I find him I hope I love him.

Thank you. For everything. But especially for the strength that I borrowed and the light you shone on me.

Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time

So I forgot to talk about yesterday. I apologize.

So the day after I broke up with Skye she didn't even come to school. I know she wasn't sick. She was just sluffing. And I don't know why but that really did make me sad that she was so heartbroken that she couldn't even face me or even come to school. Her friends were giving me dirty looks all day and her old friend Blake came and threw his fucking mountain dew on me. I got FUCKING pissed off. Like are you fucking kidding me? I'm Drake Throte. Do you seriously think you can do that to me? So later I shoved him in a garbage can and poured my jamba juice all over his fucking way-too-gelled hair. Then a few other people spit on him. He can rot in hell :) Do not mess with me. I don't know what she said to them to make it sound so bad. It wasn't that bad. I'm pretty sure she was ASKING me to break up with her. And I think that we'll both be happy through this split. And maybe we'll be able to be friends again and figure out our problems. I hope so. But I swear to god I wasn't mean when I broke up with her. I didn't make her cry more than what she already would have. It was a break up of course she'll cry don't get mad at me because I did what I had to do.

But anyways. I saw her today for the first time. Since. Well. You know. But it crushed my insides. When I saw her I still expected her to come and jump on me and spin. I still expected that my lips would be able to touch hers. But we both know that can't be. I think she was thinking the same things though because she smiled at me really happy then she turned all sad. But she kept my gaze and I like like that she didn't avoid eye contact. It was a little awkward, but after that she continued to give me little sad smiles throughout the day. I miss her alot. And what we used to be. I really know we had something special. I'll never forget that.

I'll never forget.

R.I.P Skye

That was my girl. Key word being was. We broke up yesterday. It was a pretty bad break up. She cried and told me she didn't mean any of the stuff she had said about me being too flirty and I had interpreted her words wrong. When she said she wasn't good enough for me she really meant it that way not the way that I had taken it. Supposedly. But that doesn't change the fact that she talked shit on me to her friends. And I've never talked shit on her until the last couple of days AFTER finding out that she was talking shit on me. I'll never get over the fact that she was beautiful. And that I took that picture. And that it was the best one ever taken of her. She begged me to not to do what I was doing and that she would change for me. But if she had to CHANGE herself and just the fact that she considered changing herself for a fucking highschool boyfriend was a huge turnoff for me. The hardest part was just seeing the tears falling from her eyes and rolling down her cheeks ending by rolling on the lips I had just touched with mine the day before. I think she was the first girl I ever loved.

She kept reminding me about all the good times we had. The snow angels. Our first dance. Our first kiss. Our first date. Walking her to class. The deep conversations we had at night. The texts saved on her phone. The texts she had sent to me. The time we both dressed up to go to school. When we had to pick Mike up when he was drunk. When I wiped her tears away. When she helped me pass Latin roots. When she saw me cry. And then. Our last kiss.

I just let her know that it wasn't working. She just stood there still holding my hand. Then the few soft tears and she asked how long I had been planning that and what she had done wrong. I told her the truth and she started crying harder. And it made my heart break. Even more than it already was. It was the hardest thing to pull my hand away when it was obvious she was at her lowest of lows.

And I still feel like shit that I was an asshole enough to pull my hand away and to walk away while the tears were still falling. I think she was the first girl I loved. Her name was Skye and I'll never forget.

Hey babygirl whats your name Imma buy you a drank

I won't be able to sleep tonight.

Anxiety. Nerves.

What do I do when I see her? Am I supposed to act normal even though I'm planning on doing something. Something that I may or may not regret.

Why the fuck can't I just know exactly what would happen either way.

I think I'm making the wrong decision?

But what if I don't and then THAT is the wrong decision?

Pros:

Someone could just be waiting for me to be single.

I do like being single.

Hookups welcome.

Uncommitted sex.

I won't be late to class anymore.

Mike problems-resolved.

It may be what she wants.

Party Party Party Party

Fave music back in.

Cons:

Whoever is waiting could be ugly.

I like relationships.

Hookups are fairly overrated.

I like saying "I love you" after sex

I just like saying "I love you" and meaning it

I would be on time to class.

Skye problems- Unresolved

It may not be what she wants.

Kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss

I would have to take her CD out and give it back to her.

GOD I JUST DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love

New years was great.

I didn't cheat. Not even tempted. Well. A little. But they were too far away anyways.

I didn't get a new years kiss. But I did later that afternoon. It was pretty sick. But things aren't the way that they used to be. And I know I have to do something about it. But I'm really scared too. And the advice didn't help. I'm left wondering now.

Constant fucking wonder. And it makes me stressed. And I don't want to go to school tomorrow feeling the way that I feel right now. Or her going the way that she feels now. I don't think that this is right anymore. It used to be though. It was wonderful and it still might be. it could get better. Fate... give me a sign. I could really use one right about now.

Hey. Sweetie. I don't know if you'll ever see this but if you do I want you to know that I want this to work. I'm trying. I only have eyes for you. And I'm trying to be good enough for you if you ever implied that. I love you, girl. You're my heart. Well, you have my heart at least. You had me at hello.